Best "Clueless" Quote
In 1995, writer and director Amy Heckerling defined a generation of teens – again – with a little movie called Clueless. Based loosely on Jane Austen’s Emma, and featuring a cast of almost complete unknowns – many of whom would go on to be household names – the film was a moderate success at the time, and has since become a cultural rosetta stone for 90s teen slang and fashion. (Or, at least, a highly idealized, Beverly Hills version of 90s teen slang and fashion.) One of the key ingredients to that success was Heckerling’s brilliant script, whole chunks of which remain seared in the brains of every Gen X-er. So now, nearly 30 years since its release, the Great Pop Culture Debate wants to know: what is the Best Clueless Quote ever?
Host Eric Rezsnyak and panelists Amma Marfo, Amy Pilott, Bob Erlenback, Karissa Kloss, and Kate Racculia have a Val Party and act out and debate the best lines from the classic 90s teen film. Whatever...
Want to play along at home? Click here to find the listener bracket for this episode. Make a copy, fill it out fully, and see if your picks match up with ours!
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Round 1 Match-Ups:
Match-Up 1:
TAI: Do you think she's pretty?
CHER: No, she's a full on Monet.
TAI: What's a monet?
CHER: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess.
Vs.
CHER: Failed? Well, can't we just start over? I mean, I'm kind of having a personal problem. My mind was somewhere else. That biker came out of nowhere! Oh! I swear I'll concentrate! I drive really good, usually. Isn't there somebody else I can talk to? You can't be the absolute and final word in driver's licenses.
DMV EMPLOYEE: Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I'm the messiah of the DMV. Now, get out of the car.
Match-Up 2:
TAI: I'm not good enough for Josh or something?
CHER: I... I just... don't think you mesh well together.
TAI: You don't think that we mesh well? Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.
Vs.
CHER: So. O.K. Like, right now, for example, the Haiti-ans need to come to America. But some people are all, What about the strain on our resources? Then its like, when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not RSVP, so I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day, it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haiti-ans. And in conclusion may I please remind you that it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty?
Match-Up 3:
CHER: Say, Ambular.
AMBER: Hi!
CHER: Was that you going through my laundry?
AMBER: As if! Like I would really wear something from Judy's.
CHER: Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged?
Vs.
TAI: Ugh, Cher I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns they don't feel nothing like steel.
CHER: O.K. It will get easier. I promise. Just as long as we do it every day, not just sporadically.
Match-Up 4:
CHER: Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials.
Vs.
AMBER: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
DIONNE: Well, there goes your social life.
Match-Up 5:
CHER: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Vs.
MRS. STOEGER: Tai, you don't have time to change, but you could hit a few balls in those clothes.
AMBER: She could be a farmer in those clothes.
Match-Up 6:
DIONNE: Hello! That was a stop sign.
CHER: I totally paused.
Vs.
CHER: O.K., so he's kind of a Baldwin. What would he want with Tai? She couldn't make him happy. Josh needs someone with imagination, someone to take care of him, someone to laugh at his jokes...in case he ever makes any. Then suddenly... Oh, my God. I love Josh. I am majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh.
Match-Up 7:
CHER: That’s way harsh, Tai.
Vs.
JOSH: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
CHER: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants-dropping schedule to plant trees. Why don't you just hire a gardener?
Match-Up 8:
MR. HALL: Cher Horowitz... two tardies.
CHER: I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?
MR. HALL:One was last Monday.
CHER: Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.
Vs.
CHER: I don't know why Dionne's going out with a high school boy. They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them. They're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you. Ew! Get off of me! Oh, AS IF!
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EPISODE CREDITS
Host: Eric Rezsnyak
Panel: Amma Marfo, Amy Pilott, Bob Erlenback, Karissa Kloss, Kate Racculia
Producer: Mike Rapin
Editor: Jeffery Perry