RECAP: “Dancing With The Stars” Season 33, Episode 1
BY Amy Pilott & Allie Pilott (age 9)
It’s hard to believe that this show has been going on for nearly 20 years, but here we are: “Dancing with the Stars” Season 33. And true to its roots in 2005, we’ve got a “Bachelorette,” a model, some athletes, and old guys competing for the famed mirrorball trophy. “Stars” is a very loose term for some of this seasons contestants — infamous or notorious might be more appropriate, given the criminal record of one particular contestant -- but nonetheless we are here to recap the show! Note: there are no eliminations in Week 1, so everyone will be back next week for another shot, whether they like it or not.
SPOILERS AHEAD! Consider yourself warned!
Joey Graziadei
First up was “Bachelor” Joey Graziadei, who was more of a self-proclaimed golden retriever opposed to a Latin lover in his country-themed cha-cha. However, Joey has charisma, and it was a truly great showing from this adorable man who will have some great moves for his upcoming wedding, even if he doesn’t go far in the competition. He set the bar high with a 21/30.
Brooks Nader
Next up swimsuit model “legend” Brooks Nader was dancing a tango to a deep-cut Britney Spears track. She looked great in her barely-there costume, but Brooks was super stiff and uncomfortable with the complicated footwork. Allie was cackling and noticed some shade being thrown from Julianne Hough, who pointed out, “So you definitely haven’t danced since high school. How do you think it went?” However, Brooks came in with a respectable 18/30.
Ilona Maher
Rugby player, Olympian, and all around superstar Ilona Maher is an amazing role model for all girls, showing you can be beauty and the beast (her words)! I am thrilled for Allie to see this strong woman take the dance floor. Dancing the cha-cha to Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like a Woman,” Ilona looked like she was having fun, though definitely out of her element and nervous. Again, a solid 18/30.
Reginald VelJohnson
Best known as the dad from “Family Matters,” Reginald VelJohnson is hoping not to Die Hard on the dance floor this season. Leaning on some help from the dance troupe to distract from the fact that he doesn’t actually move much, Reggie had a very demure salsa, scoring a 16/30.
Danny Amendola
Danny Amendola, Super Bowl champion and retired wide receiver, is hoping to follow in former “DWTS” athletes’ footsteps and add a mirror ball to his trophy collection. Dancing to Shaboozey’s summer hit “A Bar Song (Tipsy),” Danny looked like he could have used another shot of whiskey to loosen up a little bit during his tango performance. But, his athleticism shined through, and he proved to be a strong leader on the floor, earning a solid 20/30.
Tori Spelling
Tori Spelling — dubbed “TV icon” — follows in the footsteps of almost every other “90210” star and finally joined the “DWTS” cast. Citing her life “blowing up” and turning 50 as her reason for dancing, Spelling looked absolutely joyful foxtrotting along to P!nk’s “Trustfall.” However, Donna Martin was still dancing like a drunk girl at the prom, scoring just 17/30. (I personally hope to see her improve and fight through! #donnamartingraduates)
Jenn Tran
The most recent “Bachelorette,” Jenn Tran, was dancing off her recent heartache to Miley’s “Flowers.” IMO, Jenn went through that entire dating show just to land a part on “DWTS,” because she has incredible moves. Her foot placement wasn’t perfect, but she nailed her cha-cha. I think that the judges were hard and Jenn deserved more than her 19/30.
Chandler Kinney
Chandler Kinney - our household’s favorite Zombie werewolf — probably has the most formal dance experience on the show, though apparently no ballroom. Dancing to Chappell Roan’s hit, Chandler was “HOT TO GO” in an amazing tango. It was so hot that Bruno started stripping (his favorite way to judge), and Chandler walked away with the night’s highest score, 23/30.
Dwight Howard
Basketball superstar, and super-tall athlete, Dwight Howard kicked off his competition to “This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan. (One of my personal favs; please see our episode devoted to the Best One-Hit Wonder of the 90s/2000s for context.) It was a surprisingly good performance — but it was almost physically impossible for Dwight to dance WITH his super-petite partner, Daniella. They mastered some side-by-side salsa moves and fabulous lifts, though it will be interesting to see how they handle dances with more 1:1 contact. They received a 22/30.
Eric Roberts
Actor Eric Roberts is here to compete with Reggie for oldest guy in contest. Eric has the classic Roberts’ big smile helping him light up the dance floor to make up for his lack of moves. The judges praised him, calling him one of the biggest celebrities they’ve ever had on the show, but Eric still came in at the bottom of the leaderboard with 15/30.
Phaedra Parks
”Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “The Traitors” star Phaedra Parks is one of the least-experienced dancers in the group, but has a lot of enthusiasm. What she lacks in actual talent was made up for in drive and charisma. We’ve never watched her in anything, but Phaedra made us a fan. Allie and I agree she’s one to watch, and the judges seem to agree: she had a solid showing with a 19/30.
Stephen Nedoroscik
Pommel horse superstar and full-on nerd Stephen Nedoroscik is hoping his math brain helps him count steps. Dancing on a giant Rubik’s Cube-styled stage, Stephen famously removed his signature glasses to perform and rock out to a fast-moving jive. Oh, this kid is so freaking cute! Allie and I believe he was worthy of 8s to add to his Olympic gold — but Stephen came away with all 7s for a 21/30.
Anna Delvey
Anna Delvey and her ankle monitor faked their way through her first routine. No amount of bejeweling can mask her lack of talent. Explaining to Allie why she was “a star” proved to be quite the challenge. Still, Anna scored a respectable 18/30 (because they know she’s good for ratings).
What did you think of the episode? Who do you think is likely to be the breakout dancer of the season? Leave your takes in the comments!